Peeling skin?

My skin is peeling from my hands. I am actually applying more lotion than I normally do to hinder the peel. But perhaps it is just that I am like a snake, shedding a layer of skin. What is it that I am shedding? What is it that I am getting rid of? Are bad/unhealthy habits falling by the wayside as I take on healthy habits (or are they still lurking?). What do I need to shed? What concepts, values, beliefs have I been holding true need to be gotten rid of just like that things in my closet that need to go to Good Will? How do you get rid of beliefs and values? How do you replace them? Do you get rid of them like clothes knowing that great stuff will show up an fill the void? Or are they like habits, take on new ones to push out the old ones? And which values and beliefs need the old spring cleaning? What else do I need to shed?

Hives and mental health update and rambling

So everything seems to be on the upswing. Hives are almost gone. My homework from my healer is to make time for fun and to dine. (What's wrong with eating on the run? It is efficient) So, new habits are going into place. It should be interesting on the days I am at work from noon to 10P. Last week I fit in my meditation before teaching, now I get to fit in that AND dining. hmmmm....

I took class for myself Saturday evening, which was great. And tonite I went and saw the movie Charlie Bartlett with Dot.

The other thing my healer said is that I shouldn't continue to see the person I have been seeing on and off for awhile. She said he is too serious and I need someone fun. And she said he is scared to get too close, whereas he has told me he has intimacy issues (can you say "red flag"?). Have you ever wondered if you will ever find sex quite as fabulous? He may not be "fun" but...

It would be easier if I were interested in someone other than him and my celebrity boyfriends, George and James (Clooney and McAvoy respectively). (yes i have a fertile imagination)

thoughts to sleep on

Kinky

(okay, watch your mind...the band)
Kinky is one of my favorite bands. They are from Mexico. I first saw them at a KCRW concert with Victoria and her niece, Ashley. They reminded me of a Mexican Beastie Boys. They have since gone more techno with some of their stuff. But the way they move and play off each other is so fun and lively. I love the way the lead singer moves. He uses the entire stage. Standing in a crowd and trying to dance while watching him dance is just frustrating because you don't have even of the fraction of the space he does.

Tuesday they played the Mayan (downtown LA). It is a cool venue. I went after my Spanish class (the quiz is always at the end of class). But I caught most of the show. Where I was standing the bass was so loud, I could feel my shirt push against my skin. It was wild. They seemed not as lively as normal. But they had played a gig the night before in Anaheim. Last night (Saturday) they played in Santa Barbara. I was tempted to go, but that would have made for a crazy weekend. And a weekend without travel right now is a blessing.

Hives and my mental health

At some point early this week, my sister pointed out that I didn't seem happy. And unfortunately she is right. So we talked about things that would help - a therapist, chocolate, and sex. (Granted chocolate and sex are short term, but endorphins are always good). She was big on the therapist for the long haul and chocolate in the meantime.

Midweek, I went for a waxing, but due to the hives, we really couldn't wax. My waxer and I were talking and she recommended I check out her talking doctor and then she called someone she knows that is kind of an intuitive - she clears crap out of your energy (I think that is how one might describe it). She talked to me for a couple minutes and said my hives were probably due to one of three things (let's see if i can remember all three). All three struck a chord. The first had to do with abandonment issues "probably concerning your mother." hmmmm.... The second had something to do with feeling like a victim (I don't remember but it struck home the way she said it). And the third had to do with feeling like you haven't done enough (which is pretty much how I always feel) but she said it stemmed from something in my childhood and childhood responsibilities. I haven't called her to get her services for clearing yet. Still mulling it over, but... she seems onto something.

I finally called my healer and she said my hives were probably due to stress and too much heat in my body. To eat/drink thinks that would cool me down (ie: grapefruit juice) and to concentrate on being happy. It is hard to take someone telling you to be happy, when you don't feel like you have access to it at all. But I am going to see her today and I have been drinking lots of grapefruit juice.

Thursday I did have a meeting with our COO where we discussed my job duties and my salary. This meeting made me feel much better for several reasons - I felt heard and I got that she appreciates me.

Yesterday I saw my acupuncturist. She thinks the hives are a virus trapped in an energy channel (it makes sense when she explains it). And there might be something connected to my large intestine too. So I am taking fiber and flax seed oil and a skin remedy.

So somehow all of these things culminating have helped my hives - they are still here and itch, but not as bad - which is a step in the right direction. And although I wouldn't say I am happy, I wouldn't say it feels completely inaccessible either.

Hives (probably more than you ever wanted to know)

I have had hives all week. This is the worst case of hives I have ever had. They began Sunday night during the Vedic Meditation intro I went to. By the time I went to bed my body was slightly swollen and very itchy. Before this last July, I had only gotten hives once and that was an allergic reaction to penicillin when I was 17 and they were only on the backs of my legs. In July I got them on my hands the morning of Victoria's baby shower and I was afraid I had some weird athlete's foot on my hands so I wore gloves to the shower. By the end of that day, they were all over me and they lasted about a week. Since then I have had them on and off but mostly just on my hands, elbows and knees. This time - kabamm. They have gotten much better since thursday.

I usually get them from stress. Now my acupuncturist thinks it may be due to a virus caught in my body. I still think their onset is stress related. This time I think my body had reaction to my starting meditation. Almost as if my body thinks it needs the stress and this is it's reaction to my deciding to start to get rid of stress. Like my body saying - "you think you are going to get rid of stress - Hah! this is what we think of that!" Or maybe it is my body saying "Oh my god, look how much we need this! You must do this, look this is how stressed out your body is." Either way it itches like hell.

The last two mornings although the majority of my body is better, my hands have itched to high heaven and my knuckles are swollen (not as badly as earlier in the week, but still). It is almost as if I want to rip my fingers off to get them to stop itching or maybe just rip the skin off my fingers. arrgh (yes they itch right now).